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| three more weeks until the semester is over. how close that is, yet how far. i have to fight the feeling of panic that rises every time i think about all that i have left to do. i really don't know how i'll be able to do everything. and once again, i have to remind myself that i am not alone. hasn't God shown me over and over again this semester that He is with me? that He is good beyond imagination, and all that He asks for is my best? oh me of little faith!
in You i find my rest.
can i tell you a little bit about the prayer tent? to me, it is a taste of heaven. so much love goes into the construction of this tent, the paper sheets over plywood walls, the curtain drapings and christmas lights, the handmade signs new each year. we volunteer hours and hours of our time here, because here we can really sense the presence of our God. because this is a house of prayer, His house. His presence is in the love and compassion we show by praying for other people's requests, by lifting up different places of the world. His Name is glorified by the praises we draw on the wall, the words we write with thanksgiving. His protection keeps the tent intact despite power outages and rainstorms, skeptics and ill-wishers. and His Spirit is in our fellowship, in the unity of the body that is displayed when we come together to pray. it is a fellowship that is extended to all, undergraduates and graduates, students and elders, philadelphia natives and international visitors, rich and homeless.
can i describe for you just a small taste of the way God moves? though we picked this week somewhat arbitrarily, although this whole semester has been cold and rainy with the weather fluctuating constantly, the week the prayer tent was up saw the most consistently beautiful weather that i have seen all semester. sunday morning we were greeted by sunshine and bright skies, and although it was mid-november the weather was in the mid-60s. we were really worried about being warm enough at night but we received enough funding to get new heaters, perfect for the balmy nights. the night we accidentally tripped the circuit breaker, still getting accustomed to the tent, there just happened to be an event in the alumni house through which we get our electricity, with our staff worker's Christian friend working at the door. although it stormed thursday night, the tent remained intact and unharmed.
can i show you just a glimpse of God's ministry through the tent? there were so many conversations with brothers and sisters in Christ, conversations to challenge, conversations to minister, conversations of love and healing and encouragement. i saw so many people being drawn a step closer into community, so many people who stopped by and were touched in some fashion. tom and skip, both older gentlemen who are so exuberant in their love for Christ, so encouraged by the tent and the sight of young people, as they called us, loving the Lord. the polisci professor who was raised muslim, convinced that both Christianity and Islam are religions used to promote hatred, astonished that people could come together in the name of Christ to promote peace. the lady who stopped by wednesday during her lunch break, her bank account cleaned out the day before, who turned to me with tears in her eyes as she took a cup of ramen noodles from our tent, experiencing God's providence firsthand. chris, the homeless man who came to ask for tokens, stunning jin and me with his knowledge of the bible.
every year, every time, God reveals Himself to me in such amazing ways through this tent. it is my prayer that the body of believers at Penn would really be able to unite in prayer and experience the way God moves so powerfully through this tent. that they would put aside the distractions of everyday and come with hearts seeking more.
God, we want more of You.
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| another allnighter, another paper. it seems that senior year has been filled with these. yet every night, every time is a reminder of God's providence. not once this year have i had to pull an allnighter alone.
this was an amazingly blessing week. God is so good. God is so faithful. and i wish i had time to write it all, to write it all down before i forget again and doubt again in how good God really is. but i am comforted to know that 2 Timothy 2:13 says "if we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself."
how You love us.
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| this year, we decided to bring the prayer tent back during the fall as well as the spring semester. it was a bit of a rushed process, trying to decide a week that would be convenient, reserving space on penn's campus, getting funding for the tent. we were especially worried about obtaining heating because we decided to put the tent up the week before thanksgiving, and it's pretty cold by mid-november.
how faithful God has been to us, and how blessed i have been to see how He's working. since Sunday morning, when we set up the tent, the weather has been absolutely beautiful. it hasn't been this consistently warm or sunny in two months. even though we were a little short on manpower, God still provided the people we needed to get everything set up. last night, when we tripped the circuit breaker in the building through which we are getting our electricity, God provided again. there was an event happening in the building, and the person overseeing it happened to be our staff worker's Christian friend. lots of ministry has been happening here, and it's been so, so crazy blessing. God blows me away every year through this tent.
there is this one freshmen who comes in every day. you can tell he's stopping here between his classes because he pops in with his backpack, sits down, prays shortly, and then gets back up at the hour. i am so blessed by his eager heart, the way he enters the tent with this peaceful smile and a spring in his step, because he is here to meet God. i know that God is so pleased by his heart. i want to have that eager heart, to be excited every day because it is a day where i get to meet with God.
this year for pan-asian we have a lot more stunts than usual. while they're very very VERY cool (and you should all come to see the show if you can,) they're also potentially dangerous. and they involve a lot of trust. trust in your partner who may be holding or pulling you. trust also in the laws of physics, that when you throw yourself into an aerial your momentum will keep moving you so that your head does not hit the ground. the difficulty in doing the stunt is not so much the physical aspect as it is gaining that level of trust. and until you can trust, it's impossible to throw yourself into the stunt, and therein lies the problem. if you don't throw yourself into the stunt with full trust, it's actually more dangerous for you.
lately i feel like God has been asking me to throw myself into His arms and His plans with full trust. because when we ask for and expect great things, God answers.
The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
and He delights in his way. When he falls,
he will not be hurled headlong,
because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
Psalm 37:23-24
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| usually at this time of year i reflect on the changing of seasons, the way autumn has gracefully displaced the green fragrance of summer, the leaves turning different shades of brown. but to tell you the truth, i haven't really noticed that this year. maybe it's the bizarre weather that philadelphia has been struck with, frigid rain to sunny warmth confusing my sense of change.
as i reflect on how the semester's been so far, i'm utterly amazed at how good and faithful God is. for the first time since first semester freshman year, i am truly enjoying college. and it's not that circumstances have changed drastically in my life, or that things are now perfect. rather, i think i have finally, finally learned how to have joy, joy that lasts despite all situations. joy is knowing that God is good, and that all things work for the good of those who love Him. joy is trusting and surrendering to His plans, seeking His ways. joy is receiving from God with thanksgiving, and allowing yourself to love and to be loved.
it's crazy, to think that i've lived all my life without knowing this, that i'm just beginning to understand it. and crazier still when i think that, if it hadn't been for my past difficulties, i would still be seeking to understand this elusive thing called joy, so difficult and yet so easy to have.
and in the midst of my joy, i am filled still with sorrow. because i realized today that as believers, we are the hands and feet of Jesus. we are His face to the lost and His outreach to the poor, we are His love to the wounded and His grace to the broken and if i am His witness and if i am His worker than i am so... lacking.
what am i doing...what are we doing?
we're desperate for You.
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| i think i am afraid to believe in a God who is good beyond imagination. i am afraid to believe that God desires to bless and honor those who are righteous, those who seek His kingdom and His glory. i am afraid to hope that God will give good things to His people, even though i know that God is good. i am afraid because i don't want to be disappointed. and i know that there has to be something wrong with this theology, that somewhere in this whole thought process there is still a lack of trust, a lack of surrender.
so close i believe
You're holding me now
in Your hands i belong
You'll never let me go
i opened the A8 door as we sang those words; the security guard who'd been peering into the window stepped back in apology. as i made my way out of drl, i looked back and saw her continuing to stand outside the door, singing along in praise to with the rest of the congregation. this sight, of a fellow sister separated from the rest of the congregation and yet a part of our fellowship in Christ, blessed me so much. and i knew that even though the notes she sang were off-key, they were a perfect melody to God's ears.
God really blessed me with an opportunity to interview in Chicago this morning. it was good to be back in the midwest, even though the weather was just as dreary and wet as it'd been this past weekend in philadelphia, although not nearly as cold. i got to catch up a little bit with my sister and eat good sushi. i also got to spend a night in the ritz carlton four seasons. and dude. that hotel is freaking baller. first, it's located on michigan ave, in the water tower place, which is a really well-known mall. also, it apparently has a really famous spa, according to one of the other interviewees from yale. they have people to greet you at the door, usher you in, and hail cabs (and walk you to the cab with an umbrella), bellhops to carry your luggage if you have it, receptionists who walk around the counter to hand you the room key in person. when you enter the room, the tv is set to play orchestral music from an xm station, the room is equipped with featherbeds, bathrobes, complimentary internet and shoe shining service, and the closet light opens automatically when you open the door. the room service menu is more expensive than a steven starr restaurant. and the lobby was amazingly, breathtakingly beautiful, and i am rarely impressed by interior design. basically, the words that i am using to describe the ritz do not do it justice.
last night, as i was getting ready to sleep - which is amazing, because i am never able to sleep in hotels, but the beds at this hotel were just that comfortable - and still reeling from the overall ballerness of the hotel, God reminded me of something.
heaven will be SO much better.
i can only imagine.
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